Soy milk is ending masculinity.
— DeAnna Lorraine ���� (@DeAnna4Congress) August 22, 2020
As a card-carrying bald enby lesbian with two dogs and zero fucks to give, I am regretfully compelled to inform you this is a little off-base.
In the grand scheme of things, soy milk… well, it could be gayer. No offense, but it’s kinda basic, and we queers are mostly on the new shit now.
For the uninitiated, the following is a comprehensive list of milks ranked in ascending order of queerness.
We will not be taking questions.
20. Skim milk
19. One percent milk
18. Two percent milk
17. Whole milk
16. Goat milk
15. Soy milk
14. Rice milk
13. Brown rice milk
12. Coconut milk
11. Almond milk
10. Cashew milk
9. Peanut milk
8. Oat milk
7. Flax milk
6. Pea milk
5. Hemp milk
4. Any milk the barista has to explain to you
3. The niche milk your ex got you into and now you can’t stop drinking it
2. The secret new milk only you know about because you are extremely gay
1. Dairy milk, but you follow the cow on Instagram